As the nights draw longer I was expecting to feel more positive and happier. Just as I feel a glimmer of hope, that the maybe in the future I will be strong enough to move on and meet someone, you appear on the horizon……why? You have your new relationship, you were together before we had parted, so why look back? I know I deserve better, I know I shouldn’t even care.

I am beginning to truly understand that having been in a relationship with a narcissist is so different. Recovery feels near impossible, peace and tranquility are everyone else’s joy. The time with a narcissist is full of euphoria, the sheer happiness that you’ve met the other piece of yourself, you feel so complete. You never argue, but was are you happy? The accusations? The mistrust, the weeks of silence, from height of euphoria to depths of despair. Your looking into my life through the window that is linkedin was an intrusion, it brought up hopes, fears, upsets, confusion….. so many emotions…….
I had blocked all the avenues I could and now this one is closed too…….but in the distance I hear the bell tolling, a warning, it’s saying to me…….beware the pattern continues round and round in your life, that you’re looking back to see if your refuge is accessible, available for your use……….I will be strong, I will heed the bell and one day it will toll in joy to announce that peace and happiness are living with me. So close your computer, concentrate on your new partner because I’m not who I was, where I was or how I was. I’ve been changed forever.

#narcisstic, #relationships, #breaking heart, #love